I consider myself careful. There are some in my circle of love who consider me obsessively so. Yet, I am beginning to wonder if I am wearing a Janus Mask.
My diet has been almost purged of sugar. Candy is merely a memory as are Toll House Cookies. Butter Almond ice cream, however, still lingers in my life. But, I am working on that slowly.
I am rather proud of my shopping cart, mostly organic, whole grains, all the "good" things. I read the ingredients of each item before making a purchase. This is my dietary regime; my life style.
But is it? A diet for my body, yes. However, my mind seems to be a different story.
Yesterday a friend and I went to the movies. An unusual occurrence for me. I tend more to Netflix and BBC dramas, but we heard it was doing well and rain was pouring down.
The audience was predominately female, mostly in the plus 50 range.
Within five minutes of the opening, I heard more vulgarity than I have had in a lifetime. It poured out of an award winning actress whose career has blossomed within the past five years. There was such an abundance of profanity that I was almost unable to distinguish the terminology.
And yet I stayed in my seat. After ten minutes the vocabulary seemed to lose its essence, or so I thought. However, after an over indulgence in sugar, don't you crave more?
Was the film funny? Yes, it was. Not quite as funny as the ladies in the row in front of my friend and I found it, however. But funny, yes.
And did I remain until the end. Admittedly, I did.
And have I overeaten? Of course, I have. Godiva and crumb buns and many things I only remember. And I stopped because of the toll on my body.
But what about the toll on my inner being yesterday. My tolerance for the profanity obviously increased as the film progressed.
Would I welcome either of the female characters portrayed in the film into my world or introduce them to my family? Definitely not! Why then did I welcome them for an hour and a half of my remaining life time?
And I am sorry to admit rather than putting the unhealthy item back on the shelf as I would in the Supermarket, I allowed the depiction of an unkempt foul-mouthed woman to penetrate my inner being for about ninety minutes. In retrospect, I wish I had made the responsible decision to reject this portrayal of today's woman. I regret I did not leave after the first few scenes. My admission fee had already added to the film's grosses, but it would have been a far healthier personal choice for what I allow to penetrate my integrity.
As I left the theatre my friend asked if I found it funny. I said yes, and it was. Humor can disguise many things in life, both good and bad. And it can also be insiduous masking cruelty and bullying. Ridicule is incredibly effective in diminishing another.
The rain was ending as I walked to my car and I wondered if my teenaged Granddaughters had seen me leave if this film, if I wouldn't have felt incredibly ashamed. And what explanation could I have given them. None came to mind.
If I am not as cautious about the list of ingredients I allow into my subconscious as I allow into my body, I am wearing a Janus Mask, and it's time to discard it.
