Giving Help While Needing Help

It's a good thing that Diane Feirman knows where to find help, she needed it in droves a year ago.

Feirman works as the Public Affairs Director for the American Group Psychotherapy  Association, an organization  that helps people through traumatic events.

A year ago, Feirman experienced such an event herself when her home was heavily damaged by Sandy.

Feirman, who lives in Massapequa with her partner David and their two children, decided to ride out the storm at their home on Forest Avenue, South of Merrick Road.

The water had not come in their house after Hurricane Irene, but They learned quickly that Sandy would be different.

"When it got to be 8 p.m. and the water was halfway up the lawn we knew it was going to be a problem," Feirman said. "We started to hear the water under the floorboards, which was sort of surreal."

Soon the first floor of her home was flooding, and things went from bad to worse.

"All of a sudden there was this yellow gross stuff," Feirman said.  

It was oil. 

The home the couple had lived in since 2002 was overcome by a foul odor and the floor buckled. It was no longer habitable.

It was the start of a five month odyssey that crammed the family into a small, one bedroom apartment belonging to Feirman's sister.

They also had to begin the process of rebuilding a home that had been remodeled only five years earlier.

Fortunately, they were able to Raymond Kelly, the Wantagh-based contractor that did the remodeling work.

"He looked it over and he didn't even, blink. He said, 'I've got to gut it all,'" Feirman's partner, David LaDouceur said.

In the meantime, the couple began to work their way through the process of dealing with FEMA, which Feirman said "really wasn't that difficult."

It was slow, but that's to be expected.

When they moved back in March, they had a home, but it was unfinished. Their kitchen wasn't done. 
"We had a lot of takeout," Feirman said.

But gradually things came back together. Environmental officials came and removed old oil drums that caused the odor. The kitchen was finished and furniture arrived.

Feirman credits her family's ability to roll with the punches.

"It is what it is, we said that a lot to each other," she said. She also credts her work with AGPA.

The organization has been training group therapists to help victims of traumatic events since 9/11.

They  also worked in the aftermath of the storm, holding group therapy sessions in Breezy Point. They worked with the feral reserve to do outreach at sessions where storm victims went to get questions answered.

Although not a therapist herself, Feirman acknowledge that stress levels may rise with the anniversary and  said group therapists try to help people who are troubled to understand it's not unusual.
"We do it from the point of view that the vast majority of reactions to stuff like this are normal reactions," she said. "And they're going to come awa from it just fine. "

If you're feeling strong emotions due to the anniversary there are ways to help yourself, according to Feirman.

"But there are some signals to look out for that might indicate when someone is having more difficulty and may need to seek assistance," she said.   "If the distress or memories or anxiety are interfering with normal routines, if they go to extreme lengths to avoid anything having to do with the event, again to the point that it disrupts their life, or if a person is turning to alcohol or drugs to cope these can be signs that some professional help may be needed to move forward.

Some practical advice would be to Talk to friends and family.
"A lot of people tend to think, 'It's a year later, I should be feeling better. This shouldn't be bothering me. It's over, I shouldn't be talking about it.

Feirman says that now is the time you should talk about what you're feeling.

"Talk to your friends, " she said. If you have other people that you may have connected with around the time of the storm, reconnect with them.

If you have the ability to travel and get away, you should consider doing that. Feirman also said that you enjoy.  

If you're bothered by news reports that bring up disturbing memories, Fireman says to stay away.

It's also a good time to keep an eye on the kids. 

"The key for kids is to just observe them and if they are playing as they normally do , performing in school as they normally do and eating and sleeping the same they are probably just fine," she said.  And for the most part just answering their questions simply and age appropriately and assuring them they are safe does the trick.  Problem signs are any major changes in their normal functioning that are disrupting their daily lives."

It's been a difficult year for everyone including the help givers. But help is out there.